Unrequited
by lulamae-golightly
Summary: "I don't hate Dana for loving him, and I don't hate Fox Mulder for loving her..." Monica Reyes thinks about her feelings for Dana Scully. Oneshot.


**A/N: As much as I don't care for the last season of The X-Files, I really enjoyed the character of Monica Reyes and her and Scully's friendship/Monica's possible unrequited love for her. This is sort of a fic about that...It's pretty angsty, in Monica's POV, set during season 9 the usual.**

**The X Files doesn't belong to me.**

I like working late into the night. I'm a night owl. Even working on expense reports is nice, down here in the basement, with Scully, who's writing up something for her teaching job. Sometimes John joins us on nights like these, but now it's just me and her. I can hear her humming under her breath.

"How's William?" I ask, feeling a bit awkward in the silence. I like to talk.

"Oh, he's good." she looks up at me with a hint of a smile. "I just wish I could see him more. I feel like such a bad mom."

I can't believe she would even think that. She's the best mother I know. "Dana, you're an amazing mother. You work so hard several days a week and come home and care for a baby, which isn't an easy thing to do. I know it's hard with Mulder gone and all, but you're so strong and brave."

Is she blushing? Oh, God, she is. I made her blush. "You're so sweet, Monica. For the record, I think you're very brave as well." Now I am. "I know it wasn't easy to suddenly change location and work on the X-Files, which are crazy in their own way."

"Do you miss it? The X-Files?"

She thinks for a second. "I miss parts of it...I miss my partner." Her voice is so quiet, and I know she doesn't want to appear sad, but I can tell she is. It's heartbreaking.

Her and Mulder have something so special and beautiful between them. I can't deny that, and I can't touch it. They'll never love anyone but each other, despite them being so far away from each other right now. I know this, so why do I ache for her? Why do I wish I didn't stare at her and that she would feel the same? I know better than this. But instead of telling her about these problems, I say, "You can talk about it if you want to." Maybe hearing her talk about Mulder will get my mind off her for awhile.

She shakes her head. "I get tired of hearing myself talk, with the teaching."

"Well _I_ like listening to you talk," I reply, hoping it won't be taken the wrong way.

It isn't. She smiles. "Thank you." we work in silence for a little while longer.

Am I falling in love with her? I keep telling myself, no, it's just a crush, but every day I look at her and feel so much. She really is beautiful for someone who works so hard every day. She doesn't look beaten down or weary. She has the motherly glow you hear about so often. But I can see sadness behind her smiles, I know how much she misses him. I admire her devotion to him. But it hurts me so much she can't be mine. I've felt it from the moment I met her.

"Monica?" she asks. "Are you alright? You've been staring off into space."

I come back to reality. "Yeah. A lot on my mind tonight." I wish I could tell her. I feel like a child with all the wishing. She frowns a little.

"If something's bothering you, you can talk about it, you know." she says. "I like listening to you talk, too. I really don't want you to keep it all inside you. I've tried, and it's awful. I will always listen."

My heart melts. She's so kind, her eyes are so soft. "Thank you, Dana." I like that I can use her first name, it makes me feel closer to her, as silly as that may be. The feeling of being a little closer to her makes me feel incredibly happy, like a schoolgirl with a crush, but it also makes me sad.

"Please do tell me. I can tell there's something wrong. I don't want you going home sad."

"It's stupid," I wave a hand. But she's not giving up.

"Monica."

I exhale. "I just...there's someone, and it's stupid...but they don't feel the same way I feel about them and I guess it's just getting to me. It's been a long week."

"It's not stupid." she assures me. "Honestly, it's funny how adults like us still have those crushes...but it's completely normal. They might surprise you, Monica."

I attempt a smile. "Thank you. It's just something that's been eating at me."

She rises from her seat. "I'm gonna go home now. I really need to take care of William. But I had such a nice time talking to you. We should do it more often."

"We really should."

"Also," she says. "Don't stay here too late. Have a good weekend." She hugs me, giving my cheek a friendly peck. I'm red as a beet, but she either doesn't notice or is polite and doesn't mention it. "Have a good night."

"You, too. Give William a kiss for me."

She flashes me one more beautiful grin, promises she will, and says goodbye. Jesus, how obvious was I?

I can't believe someone's kindness can make me so sad. I would never try and change what her and Mulder have. Even I, as dumbly in love as I am with her, can see how special it is. I can see how closely they are bonded and how deep it is; truly soulmates in every sense of the word. But I still stare, I still wish, I still feel so much for her.

It's too quiet in the office, so I get up and leave, coming home to my empty, cold apartment. I change into pajamas and, not even having energy to make some tea, crawl under my bed covers. As tired as I am, I can't sleep. I consider calling John, but it's well past midnight; he'll be asleep.

I don't hate Dana for not loving me back. I don't hate Fox Mulder for being the one who loves her. I don't hate their love.

I really only hate myself, for wishing I had her love myself.

**A/N: Jeez, have I been on an angst kick lately or what? I'm happy I have so much inspiration lately, though I don't know why everything I've been thinking up is so sad. Sorry if it isn't your thing. Thanks for reading!**

**-Lulamae**


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